Hair.

So I was going to post about Easter and all the fun of last week, but I unexpectedly hit another post-brain-surgery milestone yesterday, so we are halting the presses and posting about THAT instead. The Easter week wrap-up will come another day.

Are you ready for this?!?

MY HAIR WAS FINALLY LONG ENOUGH TO REQUIRE A HAIRCUT!!!!

I think you don't really realize how much hair changes the way you look until you don't have any and you spend 6 months wearing scarves or hats or wigs to give the appearance of hair.

On the plus side, I can now cross "shaving my head" off my bucket list...despite the fact that "shaving my head" was never actually ON my bucket list in the first place.

Minor detail.

And because such an announcement requires pictures of said haircut, I will now post the much-anticipated selfies.

Who knew I would be so excited about 3-inch long hair?!?

Holla!!

Eggs.

 I love dying Easter eggs with my kids. 

 And since the fun of this activity speaks for itself; I will leave you with the zillions of pictures and very little commentary from me.

Miss B dug out her Christmas penguin apron & chef hat for the Easter activities. And since we couldn't have Easter without Christmas, we figured it worked. Dr. C joined her with the Christmas puppy chef hat; because who doesn't love a good Christmas puppy chef hat?!?

Happy Easter!

The Beginning of The Week.

Today is the first day of Spring Break!
And T-Man and Fearless are old enough to get their own breakfast!
And they are old enough to get Miss B some breakfast!

Which means I got to sleep in until the blessed hour of 8 AM!
I'm loving Spring Break already.

To start the week off right, Miss Banana decided she needed to do a little morning primping.

 So remember back when I was pregnant with Miss B and I was worried she'd never want to do those girly things like shopping and make-up with me?

Yeah, I was wrong.

Sure, she looks a bit like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, but it's a start. This girl is a make-up artist-in-training.

It's gonna be a great week, y'all!

Wedding Fun.

My brother got married on Saturday.

Aren't they a beautiful couple?!?

For them, it means a new life together. A paradigm shift where they leave behind thoughts of self and think in terms of "we" and "us". And we couldn't be happier for them.

For our family, it meant a fifteen-and-a-half-hours car ride, lunch with friends,

Like my wig? My real hair is about 2 inches long now! Holla!

 Getting my little girl in a white dress with a blue satin sash (cue The Sound of Music):

Time at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple:

 And lots and lots of pictures:

Miss B took over the camera and took about 8 zillion "artistic" pictures of the table cloth and napkins. In this one, you can also see some of the delicious fudge that was the luncheon dessert.

There was also a little bit of dancing (which you can't tell by this picture, but she WAS dancing, promise):

And some running after cousins:

Of course we stayed up too late every night, relishing our time with friends and family that are seen waaaay to infrequently. It also meant another fifteen-and-a-half-hours car ride home, during which time I picked up a $95 speeding ticket in Wyoming for going a measley eight miles over the speed limit. But it was well worth it to be there for my little bro's special day.

In short, we had a blast!

One Foot in Front of the Other.

Since surgery, I've had a semi-comprehensive mental checklist of things I needed to be able to do again in order to be "recovered". It looks something like this:

Wake-up after surgery. Check.
Be able to wiggle all body parts. Check.
Be able to stay awake for 1 hour. Check.
Be able to walk with a walker. Check.
Be able to take a shower, sitting down. Check.
Be able to stay awake 2 hours. Check.
Be able to walk without a walker. Check.
Be finished with all medications. Check.
Be able to take a shower, standing up. Check.
Be able to cook dinner for my family. Check.
Be able to stay awake for 4 hours. Check.
Be able to attend all 3 hours of church (nap needed afterward). Check.
Be able to complete a grocery shopping trip on my own (nap needed afterward). Check.
Be able to make it a whole day without requiring a nap. Check.
Be able to drive my children to and from school. Check.
Be able to drive anywhere in the city (daytime). Check.
Be able to drive anywhere in the city (daytime and nighttime). Check.
Be able to complete a grocery shopping trip on my own (no nap needed afterward).
Be able to attend all 3 hours of church (no nap needed afterward).
Have hair long enough to be seen in public.
Be able to drive long distances.
Be able to run.
 
I cannot express the satisfaction and gratitude I feel when put a big fat black check mark next to each of these things on the list. And I'm getting closer to having them all checked.

My two biggest lingering problems are my lack of stamina and my funky left leg. I fatigue much faster than I used to; I'm at the point where I can get through my regular day, but if I add in to many extra activities, I am wiped out. And my left leg still just feels...odd. For the most part, I've gotten used to my new-odd-normal; I really only notice it when I think about it or when I've done too much. In those moments, I have to consciously tell my left leg to move.

For example, I've been itching to get back to running--the cold weather and inactivity of the last few months have left me feeling sluggish. And being able to run consistently is the last thing on my checklist that will make me feel like I am me.

I hopped on the treadmill the other morning for a 30 minute slow run...thinking that would be a baby-step to get back into running. And at first, as expected, my body complained at the activity, but then it seemed to remember what to do and worked in harmony.

All of my body except my left leg, that is.

That darn left leg made me feel like I was running with one right leg and one left block of wood.
Step. Thud. Step. Thud. Step. Thud. Step. Thud. Step. Thud. Step. Thud.

Only through some serious mental exertion was I able to force my left leg to keep up. By the time I was finished, my body felt that good exhaustion that comes from making it work...but my brain was completely worn out from convincing my left leg to join in the party. Only after an intense 3 hour nap did I feel like I could face the day again.

Sigh.

Can't check off those last few things yet. Someday I will, but for now, it's still just one foot in front of the other.

The Follow-Up.

Dr. Brains wanted another MRI done to get a baseline of what my post-op brain looks like. I've done three CT scans since surgery, but last week was my first MRI.

It was an eerie déjà vu experience. I walked into the same clinic at the same way-to-early-in-the-morning time that I walked into on September 13, 2012. It was the same receptionist that checked me in. I'm pretty sure I even sat in the same chair in the waiting area.

The first thing that was different was when I went through the medical history questionnaire on the check-in form, I had to mark that I'd had a craniotomy and that I now have metal plates, wire mesh, and screws in my head. 

My children think that part is awesome.

 It was even the same tech that called my name. After a polite good morning, she told me that she had to look at my films from before, and as soon as she did, she remembered me.

Um, great. My brain is memorable! I had always hoped my brain would be remembered for being intelligent...not for growing large, alien objects.

I walked into the same changing room, locked my purse in the same little locker, went to the same MRI room, laid down on the same table.

Mentally, I was split in two. One half grateful that it felt routine, that it was just a check-up, that there shouldn't be any surprises; the other half paranoid that I would be pulled into The Sad Closet again and Surprise! there is another problem.  Half of me loved the sameness, loved that the tech remembered me. Half of me felt like a scared rabbit ready to bolt for the door at the first sign of trouble and overwhelmed by the fact that my previous films were wild enough to be remembered.

I had 45 minutes of stillness to sort it out. As the machine began its loud pulsing...I reviewed the past 5 months:

The panic of diagnosis.
The sleepless nights and heartfelt prayers.
The overwhelming feelings of gratitude.
The adrenaline rush before heading off to surgery.
Surgery day.
Recovery.
The amazing people in my life.
The effort of making my body work again.
The lingering side effects that may never go away.
The exhaustion.
The JOY of life.

All of those experiences washed over me--surrounded me--in my little MRI cocoon. As I reflected on my experiences, I contemplated the fact that every situation in life--EVERY day--whether we get diagnosed with a brain tumor that day or we simply curl up on the couch with a good book for the afternoon is our opportunity to grow.

We pass through hard times and easy times to mold us, to shape us, to help us Become who we are meant to be.

Somehow, that fact, pacified the scared-half of me. We are meant to pass through trials--to be tested and pushed and stretched in ways we would never come up with ourselves--so why be afraid? Why worry that more hard things could come?

Hard things in life WILL come.
They always do.
But I can do hard things!
In the strength of the Lord, I can do ALL things. Alma 20:4

And so, in that claustrophobia inducing tube, I found peace.

No matter what the results of the test were. No matter what changes surgery permanently made to my body. No matter what other hard things come...

I choose to be joyful, thankful, grateful for the opportunity to be here in life.



P.S. Test results came back great. I'm still in recovery and I'll post some more about that later...but Dr. Brains said my brain looks good and he'll see me in September. Holla!

Valentine's Day Wrap-Up

 Valentine's Day. The day of love. The day of chocolates and flowers and pink & red decorations. The day set aside to let the people you love know that you love them.

Made this cute V-day decoration from here.  And, as always, it took waaaay longer than I was expecting.  Curse Pinterest for making me think I can just whip these projects together in no time.

 My view of Valentine's Day is that the people that you love should ALREADY know that you love them because you show them you love them everyday. 

But then Valentine's Day is just a fun day to point it out again.

 Dr. C and I are not big on Valentine's Day gifts. This year we got each other cards and called it good.  Because when my husband comes home everyday during the chaos of the make-dinner-help-with-homework-get-school-lunches ready-everyone-is-hungry-5 o'clock hour and immediately jumps in to do the dishes or take over dinner prep or folds the load of laundry that has been patiently waiting in the dryer; I know he loves me.

 So for us, we celebrate the day by having our annual Valentine's Day fondue dinner and chocolate fondue dessert with our kiddos and spend the time as a family.  Just to celebrate that we love each other.

 And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine's Day as well!  Much love to you all.